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Three jeers for the Wall Street Journal!

First, go read this little piece of wonderfully investigated journalism. Or you can just read my snide comments throughout the article:

Please, don't call these dogs mutts. Uh, why not? Now we know that THIS is going to be a wonderful, well researched and thought out article.

They're goldendoodles, cockapoos and puggles and they are among the most popular cross-bred dogs in the U.S., according to the American Canine Hybrid Club. Nipping at their heels are cavachons, shih-poos and schnoodles, says the organization, which has registered and named 671 different hybrid combinations since it started registering litters in 1990. 671 you tell me? Wow. Currently, the AKC recognizes 230 - so just out of AKC stock alone one could possibly have 52,670 different cross bred dogs. Why are you stopping at 671? Surely there is more money to be made!

More dog owners are looking to create custom varieties that combine in a single dog the best traits of two purebreds. Dog fanciers have been trying to do this since canines were domesticated. Hell, we still haven't figured out how to combine the best traits of one breed of dog 100% of the time, much less two breeds of dogs! And of course - who is out there deciding what the "best traits" are? This has spawned an industry of breeders who specialize in hybrids. (Hybrid pooches, of course, have been created naturally for centuries in back yards, alleyways and other places where mutts mingle.) Whereever there is money to be made, there will be people making it!

"My dog doesn't have the bark of the beagle. (Sorry lady - Beagles howl and bay - they truly aren't much for barking.) He is calmer," says Lisa Zellitti of Mountain View, Calif., who recently bought a Pekingese-beagle hybrid, known as a peagle. "Pekingese are less social, (not true, they just won't put with the BS that some dogs will) and I wanted a dog that was good around people." Sounds like you really wanted a small lab. But instead, you put a stubborn hunting dog with a stubborn, genetic nightmare of a dog whose eyeballs can fall out of its head at any moment and now you consider it your perfect dog. Good luck getting those stains out of your carpet! But, you do live in an area where the median household income is over $100K a year, so I am sure you have to stand out somehow!

Peagles are popular for their mild manners, silky taupe-and-white fur and slightly droopy eyes, says Chelle Rohde, who sold Ms. Zellitti her dog, Lucas. Slightly droopy eyes = SERIOUS HEALTH RISKS.

Ms. Rohde acts as a sort of puppy middleman, paying a breeder in Arkansas to have litters of various hybrid puppies -- as well as the occasional purebred -- shipped to her Fairfield, Calif., home, where she lists them on her website for $675 to $795 -- a price often comparable to that of a registered purebred puppy. Ms. Rohde says she works with reputable breeders and ensures that both parents are registered purebreds. "A breeder in Arkansas" = PUPPY MILL. NO reputable breeder would be selling to a "middleman" - otherwise known as a broker. Why don't you have this "reputable breeder" of yours ship the puppies direct? I mean, wouldn't it be less stress on the puppy to go straight to its loving home from its breeder? Oh, I see, it's because you have to clean the dog up first, get it dewormed, and probably feed it something decent before you can sell it.

And I went to her website - this is what you look out for, people:

1. Her puppies are available from HER HOME at 8-9 weeks old. So you are telling me that she ships puppies younger than 8 weeks from Arkansas to California? Nice.
2. She doesn't have pictures of the puppies that are actually available! Her pictures are just of what "could be available for pick up." I am getting nausous.
3. Send me money - get your dog! No worries if the puppy's personality isn't right for your family - I haven't asked you any questions or even handled the dog! They are CUTE CUTE CUTE and it is DESIGNER and that, my dear friends, is what matters most!
4. Her "warranty" isn't worth the paper it is printed on. Go take a gander at it here. I hope that no one seriously thinks that they would get their money back if their dog developed a problem.
5. She sells puppies for $675? It costs $300 to get a dog shipped via airline. You also have to have health papers on the dog (at minimum $25), and you also must provide your own kennel (another $25-30) - oh, and no dog can be shipped under 8 weeks of age. My guess is that they are shipped via those big puppy transport trucks where they are thrown in the back and no one checks on them until they reach their destination - unless, of course, she has such a huge volume of puppies go through her hands that she can afford to sell them so "cheaply."

Puggles are the most popular for their size and family-friendly temperament. How would she know what their temperament is unless you live with it for a while? You absolutely cannot make blanket statements about a 'breed' - there are always exceptions! Many buyers also look for hybrids with hypoallergenic fur (you're joking, right?) and dogs that don't shed (W.T.F.?), such as the cavapoo, cockapoo and shih-poo. Ms. Rohde and other breeders say they often have a waiting list for the most popular hybrids. That puppy mill needs to get on it and start cranking out more dogs!

This is important: There is NO SUCH THING as a hypoallergenic dog. Even the folks who breed American Hairless Terriers will tell you that!

No shedding = WAY more grooming time. They might not shed, but those coats will mat like a bastard!

While the possibilities of designer dogs may seem limitless, breeders say they exercise common sense in match-making and aren't trying to mate large breeds with small. Customers typically do their research online beforehand to determine which hybrids out there fit their needs, says Cindy Miller, an Aurora, Mo., breeder of shorkie tzus (shih tzu-Yorkshire terrier). They do research? Really?

For the most part, designer dogs are not hard to breed. Captain Obvious! Ms. Miller says she simply puts the two dogs together when the female is fertile. The animal's size can sometimes make things a bit tricky. Ms. Miller has one yorkie male that is only 2½ pounds -- too small for some of her larger females -- so she has used artificial insemination to breed that dog. Anything to keep that teacup size! When hybrids are bred with other hybrids, some breeders continue to tout their lineage, but they are not currently recognized by the American Canine Hybrid Club. Gotta use those purebreds first! *eye roll*

Hybrid dogs are still not that common. Are you KIDDING me? Surely, you mean 'registered' hybrid dogs. For every hundred litters registered with America's Pet Registry, there may be six hybrid litters registered with the American Canine Hybrid Club, its subsidiary, says Susan Richmond, co-owner of American's Pet Registry. For example, there were only 39 registered aussie-poos last year, despite it being the registry's 10th most popular hybrid breed for 2010. Breeders who register litters with the ACHC must provide proof that the puppies' parents are purebreds, which increases their appeal with consumers. Why not provide papers from AKC or UKC, or even UKCI?

For some, the novelty is the appeal. At least SOMEONE is honest here! Michael Crane of Rohnert Park, Calif., and his girlfriend, Amanda Rojee, recently bought a beaglier, a beagle, King Charles spaniel mix, from Ms. Rohde that they named Charlie Brown.

"We can't go anywhere without people saying what a beautiful dog she is," Mr. Crane says. "No one has ever heard of a beaglier, but everyone who sees her wants one." *sigh* Really?

Not all designer combinations are destined for success, says N. Matthew Ellinwood, a professor specializing in canine genetics in the department of Animal Science at Iowa State University. "I wouldn't breed a pug with an English bulldog," he says, because both breeds are brachycephalic, or have pushed-in snouts, which means a tendency for breathing disorders. I thought that the "shorkie" breeder was Captain Obvious, but now she's been demoted!

And while the mother of a hybrid dog is typically from the larger of the two breeds to ensure she can carry the offspring, there are still some combinations that don't seem right, Dr. Ellinwood says. "I don't know of any instances in the literature where anyone has taken a great Dane and bred it with a Chihuahua." Dear Dr. Ellinwood, Don't discount people out to make a buck.

Disputing a common belief, Dr. Ellinwood says there have been no definitive studies showing that hybrids are healthier than purebreds. There are a fair number of cases where mixed-breed dogs still hold the genetic propensity for disease from their purebred parents, he says. THANK YOU. Finally.

To reduce health risks, Ms. Miller, the Missouri breeder, has the parents of her dogs genetically tested to ensure they don't carry liver disease or have retinal dysplasia, two ailments that can occur in Yorkshire terriers and shih tzus. The cost of the tests, along with other expenses, brings the price of her shorkie tzus to $1,600 each. Retinal dysplasia? Are you SURE about that one? According to the Orthopedic Foundation for Animals, only Labradors and Samoyed are susceptable to that.

Do you mean RENAL dysplasia? It's a little different, and only $135. And liver disease? Are you talking about portosystemic shunts? No DNA test is available. Or maybe you are talking about Canine Portal Caval Shunt? Again - NO DNA TEST. On her website she touts the importance of OFA testing, but I cannot find a single OFA test number on her website, nor can I find her breeding stock's registered names so I can do an OFA search. Nicely done!

Rosemary Traettino of Ocean Township, N.J., has a Yorkshire terrier, that is now 14 years old and also weighs 14 pounds -- much larger than the typical yorkie. But she wanted to be sure her second dog was smaller. Plus, she fell in love with the calm personality of her neighbor's shih tzu.
"I said, 'Gee if I could get a yorkie with the personality of a shih tzu, that would be perfect,'" she says. Yup - my neighbor's dog's personality has everything to do with the breed, and nothing to do with training and socialization!

In the end, she contacted Ms. Miller and got just what she wanted: a shorkie she named Maggie Mae. The pup is about six pounds and is not high strung. A half terrier puppy that isn't high strung? Is it dead?

Liking that she could select a certain look and personality in her dogs, Ms. Traettino recently contacted Ms. Miller again to buy another shorkie puppy that she and her kids were eyeing. This one she plans to name Lulu. Wow.

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